Friday, May 11, 2007

when it all goes wrong at once

I never thought I'd see so many things go wrong in a short bit of time as last night.

I'd kegged up five gallons of homebrew on Sunday. It was perfect, malty, bitter, deliciously creamy altbier. I even cold conditioned it with some gelatin to clear it a bit more then my average homebrew. We're having about 10 people over on Saturday for Summerfinding and I wanted it carbonated and ready, so I put it under about 30 PSI. On Tuesday night, my wife and I decided we were morally obligated to do a little quality control... you know, just to make sure we aren't serving inferior beer. So, while still under the high pressure, I hooked it up to the tap, pulled a couple of frothy pints, let them settle, and we drank them and man... there's nothing so great as the smug feeling of drinking a beer that's better then anything in the store. Now... I forgot to disconnect the keg from the tap. Well I didn't quite forget, more like I said, eh I'll probably have a pint tomorrow to so I'll just leave it hooked up.

So last night, we decided to have another pint each, and... the keg was empty. Where did it go? I swear, I didn't get thirty and Thorsbaby is not quite big enough to start drinking my beer when I'm not looking. I was looking for a flood somewhere. My first thought was the keg had exploded from the pressure and I thought I'd find five gallons of beer flooding the bottom of the kegerator. It was dead dry, no beer anywhere. Exploring further... the beer line had split just a tiny bit where it went through the small hole in the top of the fridge, and under 30 PSI had sprayed out quietly and slowly enough to... drip down the back of the fridge... run along the floor under the bar... and drip down a gap between the floor and the wall silently into the basement. I'm afraid to look in the basement. The good news is it dripped into part of the basement that no human can get to. We have a hundred-year old house... it's got nooks and crannies. One of which has five gallons of delicious beer in it. So I figure the housewights got thirsty.

Then, ten minutes later, the boy managed to cause three ounce of milk to spill all over his mommy, the couch, and himself. Don't ask me how, he managed to unscrew the bottle cap while his mommy was feeding him.

Then, while going to wet a facecloth to clean him up, I stepped barefoot in a puddle of fresh cat piss.

This morning, the coffee pot broke.

You figure it out, I can't. We're keeping a low profile today.... I can't take any chances!


Mike said...

Liquids are not your friend this week.

Stay away from pools and schools of fish, OK?

Unknown said...

i love a good homebrew. i really should take up the act...