Friday, March 9, 2007

mayan women -- 100% smarter then Daddy

I've been fighting a mostly-losing battle with this @#$@# hippy crap Maya wrap for about three months. I've watched the DVD twice, and every time I get it on it feels so crazy and uncomfortable. I've almost come to the conclusion that this technology is just not designed for people of Northern European descent. We have a little baby-bjorn style frontback carrier that he likes being in a lot, but it kills my back to the point of being crippled after 20 minutes in it, so that's off the list. I'd really like something to wear him around so I can do important things like clean the kitchen without having to wait for him to nap.

So I went for round thirty with the Maya wrap and DVD. I finally broke the code and got him in the thing -- looked totally comfortable, he was cuddled up against my shoulder just the way he likes to be held anyway, with my left arm just balancing him, the weight on my right shoulder, my right arm free. I was so excited I ran upstairs with him to take a pictures of us looking like a maya wrap model success story. Two minutes later, tears. Screaming, crying, I tried like five different ways to wear it, nothing was working, took him out, threw the wrap across the room with a stern "bad wrap," tried to calm him, nothing. I was like that goddamn thing ruined my boy! Then I realized... he's hungry.

Five minutes of screaming while the bloody dingblasted piece of crap bottle warmer INCHES the milk towards the appropriate temperature. I swear, if I'm ever on death row, I want my last five minutes of life to be holding a screaming hungry baby waiting for milk to warm. It's the slowest that five minutes will EVER pass.

Now he's happily asleep.

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